For My Daughters on Their Wedding Day
September 20, 2014
The Charles
Johnson City, Tennessee
September 20, 2014
The Charles
Johnson City, Tennessee
Katy, since you were a little
girl, you were the wild one. You have
been a fireball of energy and emotion, ready to laugh and ready to make others
laugh. Full of adventure. Ready to go on the next one. Always in the middle of the action. You are my buddy. You are full of surprises.
One of the biggest surprises
was when you told us you were in love with Amber. Those who know me know that I have been an
advocate for gay rights since you were a little girl. You
were an advocate right along with me.
I never thought you would
bring home another woman to marry.
The truth is: We couldn’t be more proud and happy.
For one reason, we like Amber
a lot better than any of the guys you dated.
For another, you have
challenged all labels, categories and stereotypes. You are not defined by others. You don’t fit the alphabet soup of LGBTIAQ
and so on. Let them all think whatever. You are your own person. You fell in love with Amber. You fell in love with another beautiful human
being. Love is what matters.
Today is your wedding
day.
Actually, it is your second
wedding day. Last Thanksgiving, we did this in Sunny’s Bar in Brooklyn, New York, to sign the official marriage license. Your marriage is bona fide in the eyes of New York State, Sunny’s Bar, and Jesus. I
would have signed the marriage license here in Tennessee
and we would have had this one wedding, if
Tennessee
were a marriage equality state. But it
isn’t. So you get two weddings! If people want to be prejudiced and weird,
we’ll just double up on the fun!
But this is the big wedding
that counts, with family and friends and all the fun things that all weddings should
have like fairy maids. It isn’t a wedding unless you have fairy
maids, and princesses and princes. A big
gay wedding at The Charles. I am glad you did this. For
yourselves, because you love each other, and we need to party on about that, but
also for others.
There is still a tendency to
think that only heterosexual weddings are “real” or “count” or are worthy of celebration
and recognition.
Your wedding is as real, as
spiritual, as beautiful and as God-blessed as any other including your mother’s
and mine 31 years ago, or my parents’ wedding 66 years ago. Your marriage is as real as love is
real. You are bound to each other as any
two people can be.
Not only do other straight
people need to know that, but those who love unconventionally need to know that
they count, and that their relationships count, and that their marriages
count. They need to know that happiness
is possible. On behalf of all who are witnessing
these vows, thank you for being you, for being happy and for being out.
Now Amber.
As we all know, Beverly and I
did not lose a daughter in this marriage.
We gained a daughter. Katy could
not have made a better choice of another human being with whom to spend her life than you. You also have a taste for adventure, a
quirky sense of humor, and you have a big compassionate heart.
You won my heart after Zach
died. You were there for us and for
Katy. You never left Katy’s side. You were there through all the pain, sharing
the tears, and being present in joy and in sorrow. You were already fulfilling the vows that you
soon will make. I knew then that Katy
had found her soul-mate. On behalf of
Beverly and I, “Welcome to our family.
Welcome to the Shucks!”
I am supposed to give some
sort of blessing. Here we go.
Amber and Katy,
In your life individually and
as a married couple:
May you be attentive.
May you be attentive to each
other…
To each other’s feelings…
To each other’s heart…
To each other’s dreams.
May your hearts be soft.
May your heart soften so you
don’t take a harsh word personally…
May your heart soften so you
can absorb each other’s pain and grief…
May your heart soften so your
laughter can flow freely and loudly.
May you recognize divinity.
May you recognize the Divine
heart of your relationship.
May you recognize God in each
other.
May you recognize God in
those you serve.
May you recognize God in the
joy and in the sorrow of life.
May you be brave.
May you be brave in all
adversity.
May you be brave in the midst
of your fears.
May courage light your path.
May your courage be a beacon of
hope for others.
May you be strengthened by
your faith.
A faith that trusts in the
mystery of life...
A faith that empowers you to
live out your convictions…
A faith that never, never,
never gives up, but endures all things.
May you travel lightly.
May your steps be light on
Earth.
May your touch of compassion
be light with others.
May your hearts be light so
you may lift each other.
May you always know that you
are held, loved, and blessed
by
all that is beautiful and good.
May your marriage be a
journey through the enchanted forest.
Amen.
