I have a question that I am afraid to ask anyone else. I am a 20-year-old who has been in a two-year lesbian relationship with my roommate.
We love each other and recently, my roommate told her parents about us and thankfully, they were very supportive. My parents, on the other hand, are a different story.
I was brought up in a very strict Roman Catholic family, where homosexuality is not OK. How can I tell my parents that I am a lesbian without them disowning me?
-Lesbian in Love
And the answer including great advice offered a plug for LGBTieS and PFLAG Tri-Cities! Here it is:
Dear Lesbian in Love,
What a wonderful thing to have a relationship in which you and your partner love each other.
Wouldn't it be great if that were all that mattered?
Regardless of how strong the relationship is with your partner, it can be confusing and scary to consider sharing your feelings for her with your parents.
While it's a relief that your partner's parents were supportive, your concerns about your parents not being supportive or not reacting similarly are valid and not uncommon.
You want to tell your parents without having them disown you. Could this realistically happen or are you worrying about a worst-case scenario?
Either way, it sounds as though the prospect of revealing your true self to your parents does not feel safe.
Before you disclose yourself and your relationship to them, it's important that you set up supports for yourself and carefully think through your options. For example:
• Who can you talk with (in addition to your partner) for emotional support?
If you haven't already, you may want to talk over the situation with friends. It may also help to reach out to support networks on campus, ie. the LGBTies student organization, the Counseling Center (439-4841), a clergy member you trust, or other advisors you feel close with.
All these resources can help you sort through your ideas and concerns, and can support you no matter what you decide.
• Are there any emotional or practical reasons why the risk of telling your parents may be too great?
Would you have a place to live during school breaks? Could you continue to pay tuition and living costs no matter how they respond? Would you lose contact with family members?
It might also help to start focusing on what exactly you want to say to your parents, and how. Here are some questions you may want to consider:
• What do you want to say to them? What do you want them to know about me?
Do you want to tell them you are a lesbian or that you have an intimate relationship with a woman right now? What terms and expressions do you want to use?
What do you think will be most understandable to your parents? There are no right or wrong answers to these questions, only differences in how you might feel and how your parents might receive the news.
• How do you feel about telling your parents? Disclosing something hidden about yourself can be overwhelming and scary, but also exhilarating and liberating.
Think about how it has felt to have this secret and how you might feel once it is out in the open. Who else will be told? Siblings? Grandparents? Close family friends?
• What is your belief system? I know that Catholicism is important to your family, but what are your values and beliefs around your own spirituality?
Speaking frankly about your beliefs and acknowledging theirs might help them to feel less like you are rejecting their values.
• What do you need from your parents? Maybe you would like your parents to know who you really are.
Maybe you hope they'll be supportive and OK with your sexuality. Maybe you want them to be open and honest about possible disappointment and fear.
Maybe you hope the conversation will bring you closer together or maybe you hope to establish a new independence.
Knowing these answers can help guide the tone of the conversation.
When you're ready, talk with your parents in a calm, private setting.
You may pre-arrange a time or keep it spontaneous to when it "feels right" for everyone. You may want to tell one parent first, if that feels safer.
For more tips related to coming out, check out the Human Rights Campaign website (www.hrc.org).
For a supportive Catholic network, try Dignity USA (www.dignityusa.org).
And if your parents are interested, you can all seek support and information from Parents, Families, and Friends of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered Persons (PFLAG).
There is a PFLAG group here in Johnson City that meets weekly here on campus. For information and meeting times, check out their website (www.pflagtricities.org).
Ultimately, you can't make your parents understand or approve of who you are.
What you can do is think through what you feel, need, hope for, and are afraid of, as well as what your next steps will be, after the decision to have that first conversation.
Sex Matters is a column that addresses students' questions about sexuality and relationships.
It provides readers with reliable, accessible information and a range of thoughtful perspectives so that students can make personal and responsible decisions concerning their health and well-being.
Students are encouraged to email their questions to oasis@etsu.edu. All Sex Matters questions will be read, however, not all questions will be selected for publication.
The term “resurrection” has come to stand for what Christianity is all about. But a close look reveals that it should not be understood monolithically, but rather as a pluralistic and diverse phenomenon. Early Christian communities were convinced that Rome had not defeated Jesus when they crucified him. They employed a whole host of metaphors to express that conviction.
The use of the single term “resurrection” to cover the phenomenon is a mistake, one that has tyrannized Christianity. Furthermore, most Christians believe in a physical resurrection, although Paul clearly calls this into question. Once that tradition became fixed, it provided the lens through which everything else was viewed—and distorted. By examining the so-called resurrection stories in chronological order, this book aspires to prompt readers to consider questions such as,
What does the New Testament really say about the resurrection?
What is the influence of Judaism on Christian belief in the resurrection?
How did the resurrection become the central belief in Christianity?
Why did early Christians choose to believe in the resurrection?
And why is resurrection not the right word?
Good stuff! Come to our JSOR and get a signed copy. Good brain food in Elizabethton.
Click the pic below for a pdf poster suitable for framing and posting everywhere:
Jesus Seminar to visit Elizabethton, TN, October 29-30
Lost for ages in the backwaters of allegory and simplistic preaching, the parables of Jesus have emerged in modern scholarship as the creation of a great artist. In a program entitled “The Parables of Jesus,” scholars of the Jesus Seminar will ask what parables are and how Jesus used them to destabilize his listeners’ world. The program, which is part of the “Jesus Seminar on the Road” series sponsored by the Westar Institute, a non-profit organization dedicated to religious literacy, will be held at First Presbyterian Church, 119 West F Street in Elizabethton, TN on Friday & Saturday, October 29-30, 2011.
On Friday evening, in a lecture entitled “What is a Parable,”
Bernard Brandon Scott, Darbeth Distinguished Professor of New Testament at the Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa, Oklahoma,
and Arthur Dewey, Professor of Theology, Xavier University, Cincinnati, Ohio,
will discuss how Jesus played upon the stereotypes and tensions in his world and wove explosive stories, called parables, that called into question the everyday assumptions of his audience.
On Saturday morning, in a workshop entitled “The History and Craft of Parables,” Dewey and Scott will give an overview of the art of story-telling and the several methods involved in the interpretation of stories, ancient and modern. Participants will examine the ancient craft of parable-making side-by-side with modern examples of transparent poetry and creative songwriting. This workshop will explore not only what a parable might mean, but also how it means to be taken.
Jesus' parables are both a door and a mirror to the kingdom of God. In a workshop entitled “Parables and the Kingdom,” the presenters will ask: does the kingdom illuminate the parables (Matthew) or do parables illuminate the kingdom (Mark)? Better yet, do we unravel the parables, or do they unravel us? The parables of the Banquet and Unjust Steward, the Prodigal Son, the Good Samaritan, the Leaven, and the Mustard Seed will serve as the primary texts for this presentation.
All events open to the general public. Registration is $75 for all three events, and $50 for additional family members. The individual cost is $20 for Friday evening and $30 each for Saturday morning and afternoon sessions. Registrations can be made through Westar Institute, Willamette University, 900 State Street, Salem, OR 97301, by calling (503) 375-5323 or toll free (877) 523-3545, or online at www.westarinstitute.org. Questions on local arrangements should be directed to John Shuck at First Presbyterian Church, 423-543-7737.
Arthur Dewey and Bernard Brandon Scott are available for interviews. For more information contact Bill Lehto (651) 605-5275.
On this night, we remember and speak about those who have gone on, those who continue to have the courage to speak out for what they believe is right, and those who inspire you in your everyday life. There will be performances by Johnson City's sensational group, Squash Blossoms, and an after-dinner at the Campus Presbyterian House. Following dinner, we will take time to share our stories and gain a deeper understanding of the human condition.
Thanks to the Johnson City Press and the Elizabethton Star for posting the news about the Jesus Seminar coming to Elizabethton. We think this is a pretty big deal and hope you will take advantage of this unique opportunity.
ELIZABETHTON — First Presbyterian Church, 119 W. F St., will host the Jesus Seminar on the Road with the program “Jesus, Teller of Parables,” Oct. 29-30 with speakers Arthur J. Dewey and Bernard Brandon Scott of the Westar Institute.
The first lecture, “What Is A Parable,” will be held Oct. 29 at 7:30 p.m. This lecture will describe parables and show how they can destabilize their listeners’ world even today.
Two workshops will take place on Oct. 30, beginning with “The History and Craft of Parables,” from 9:30 a.m. until noon. The workshop will begin with an overview of the art of storytelling and the several methods involved in the interpretation of stories, ancient and modern. Participants will examine the ancient craft of parable-making side-by-side with modern examples of transparent poetry and creative songwriting. This workshop will explore not only what a parable might mean, but also how it means to be taken.
The second workshop, “Parables and the Kingdom,” will be held from 1:30-4 p.m. The parables of the Banquet and Unjust Steward, the Prodigal Son, the Good Samaritan, the Leaven and the Mustard Seed will serve as the primary texts for this presentation .
Scott, who earned a Ph.D. at Vanderbilt University) is the Darbeth Distinguished Professor of New Testament at the Phillips Theological Seminary, Tulsa, Okla. He is the author of several books, including “The Trouble with Resurrection” and “Re-Imagine the World,” and editor of the Jesus Seminar Guides series.
Arthur J. Dewey, who earned a doctorate in theology from Harvard University, is a professor of theology at Xavier University, Cincinnati, cofounder of the Healing Deadly Memories Program and coauthor of “The Authentic Letters of Paul” (with Roy Hoover & Lane McGaughy).
Early registration for the program will end Friday. With preregistration the cost of the event is $60 for all sessions, including the Oct. 29 lecture and both workshops.
Registration after Friday will be $75 for all sessions. Adding a family member will be an additional $50.
Single sessions are priced as follows: Oct. 29 evening lecture: $20; Oct. 30 morning workshop: $30; Oct. 30 afternoon workshop: $30.
For information call 543-7737 or visit the JSOR page at www.FPCelizabethton.org. Registration can be done by calling the Westar Institute at 877-523-3545.
First Presbyterian Church October 3, 2010 World Communion Sunday
Gospel of Jesus 3:15-17; 7:2-4 Robert Funk and the Jesus Seminar, The Gospel of Jesus (Santa Rosa: Polebridge Press, 1999)
“I tell you, don’t react violently against the one who is evil: when someone slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other as well.”
“If someone is determined to sue you for your coat, give that person the shirt off your back to go with it.”
“When anyone conscripts you for one mile of service, go along a second mile.”
“To you who are listening I say, love your enemies. If you love those who love you, what merit is there in that? After all, even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what merit is there in that? After all, even sinners do as much.”
Today is World Communion Sunday. This is an observance that began in 1933. Rev. Hugh Thomas Kerr, a minister at Shadyside Presbyterian Church in Pittsburgh is the founder. In the midst of the Depression with Fascism and Nazism on the rise, Rev. Kerr and other leaders felt a need for a symbol of unity.
"The concept spread very slowly at the start. People did not give it a whole lot of thought. It was during the Second World War that the spirit caught hold, because we were trying to hold the world together. World Wide Communion symbolized the effort to hold things together, in a spiritual sense. It emphasized that we are one in the Spirit and the Gospel of Jesus Christ."
The Presbyterian Peacemaking Program chose World Communion Sunday as the day to emphasize world peace and to receive a special offering, the Peacemaking Offering, to encourage the church at all levels to engage in acts of peacemaking.
I had the opportunity to spend yesterday with him. We went to Magill Memorial Church in Roan Mountain and watched them make apple butter, enjoyed lunch, and then I took him to Carver’s Gap.
Augustin and I walked up to Round Bald. I think he was impressed with that. It was a beautiful day. You could see a long way.
He said, “God is big.” God is big, indeed.
I asked him what his message is to Americans. What message does he want to communicate this week with us? He said that the message is that we are one. We are one world community. He also said that it is important for Americans to learn about other people around the world and who they are and what they are doing. He didn’t mean to be critical when he said this, but he said that the world knows what America is doing. But Americans don’t often know what the rest of the world is doing.
That is certainly true. We cannot do the things that make for peace if we don’t know our neighbors. We make a big footprint around the world and the products that we use have costs of which we are often unaware. For instance, some of the minerals (tin, tantalum, tungsten, and gold) that are mined and refined for our cell phones, I-pods, and other electronics, come from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. OK. Except that in the words of this article:
A horrific war has raged on in the Congo since 1994, killing an estimated 5 million people and earning the nation the moniker "the rape capital of the world." The persons responsible for this brutality and abuse are financing themselves through the extraction of these minerals.
These are called “conflict minerals” and part of the financial regulation bill that was recently signed into law by President Obama will require
“thousands of U.S. companies to disclose what steps they are taking to ensure that their products — including laptops, cell phones, and medical devices — do not contain "conflict minerals" from the Democratic Republic of the Congo.”
Credit for awareness of the situation and activism toward enacting this legislation goes in part to the Presbyterian Peacemaking Program. The folks at the Peacemaking Program and the UN Office have been trying to communicate this to us for some time now. Part of the calling of being peacemakers is being aware of the hidden costs (not just money and energy, but ecology, and human life) associated with what we take for granted and consume on a daily basis.
World Communion Sunday is a day to be reminded that we are interconnected.
The phone call I make on my cell phone is connected to someone’s life in the Congo.
The light I use to read by at night is connected to someone who lives near a mountain top removal strip mining operation in West Virginia.
The hamburger I eat is related to a factory farm in California which may or may not be the most just and humane use of food energy.
The point of this is not to get bummed out about every possible thing we do. The simple point is to reiterate what our peacemaker of the Congo said to me yesterday:
the world knows what America is doing. Americans do not often know what the world is doing.
We don’t know because we are intentionally kept in the dark. It takes a lot of energy to keep us dumb and docile. It requires a great deal of spectacle, advertising, and info-tainment to keep us from looking behind the curtain. Because if we did look behind the curtain we might be repulsed at what we see and demand change.
Now there is such a thing as compassion fatigue. We can only take so much before we tune out. If we attempt to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders we will be crushed by it. So we have to carefully pick our battles, address those things that are most important to us, always have (even if it seems very small) a concrete action to take, and walk our path for peace one step at a time. Peace is every step, as Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us.
And perhaps most importantly, to remember through prayer and ritual that God is big, as Rev. Mukendi said when he saw the beauty of Appalachia from atop Round Bald. To use Christian words (which when used correctly is a particular symbol for the universal) Christ is our peace.
God is big. Christ is our peace.
That is enough.
We participate in peace when we penetrate barriers.
Jesus reminded us to love our enemies. He told us to turn the other cheek, go the second mile, and offer our shirt when they take our coat. Jesus was not advocating passivity. In all three cases he is speaking to those who were abused and humiliated to respond to abuse in ways that do not return evil for evil, but do not accept evil passively. Instead each of these actions is intended to assert one’s dignity.
If a superior backhands an inferior with the back of the right hand striking the right cheek, the person struck could do a couple of things. Strike back which would be suicide or look down and be humiliated. Turn the other cheek would do something different. In this non-verbal communication the person struck is saying,
“I am not humiliated. I am a person. You may have the power to strike but you do not have the power to take my humanity.”
The second mile refers to a soldier who was prohibited by Roman law of requiring a peasant to carry his pack for more than one mile. So if a soldier tells you to carry the pack for one mile, don’t resist. You’ll just get beaten for that or worse. Don’t be humiliated. Offer to carry it two miles. Now you have put the soldier on the defensive. You are causing him to break the law. Now he has to wrest his pack back from you.
In the case of the coat, it is really an outer garment and an inner garment. You could take a person’s outer garment in lieu of payment on a debt. The law stated that you must give it back at night so the person would not freeze. So when humiliated by having your outer garment taken, the third way of resistance is to take off your inner garment and hand it over as well. What are you then? Naked. The idea here is to show the world the injustice being done.
Walter Wink suggested that these activities were not meant to be understood as passively receiving evil and humiliation from another. They were instead creative attempts to expose the injustice of the relationship and forcing the oppressor to see the humanity of the person humiliated.
You will see me as a person.
That is the purpose of non-violent resistance. The point is to expose the injustice. The point is to show the oppressor and the world the injustice of the relationship and ultimately to disarm the oppressor. You don’t love the enemy because you have some kind of masochistic tendency. You love the enemy in order to change the relationship. You love because hate makes you the monster you are trying to disarm. You love because you are seeking to move from labels that de-personalize and de-humanize to one of equal relationship: I – Thou.
That of course is the meaning of peacemaking and the meaning of world communion.
We are in relationship with all family members on Earth. I – Thou.
We are in an I – Thou relationship with our friends in the Congo.
We are in an I – Thou relationship with all of our non-human friends of Earth.
We are in an I – Thou relationship with Earth itself.
Thou art that. That is what John Martin is attempting to tell us with his study of Joseph Campbell’s book by that name. Come tonight to that study.
Thou art that. You and I are each other.
That is what is being said here.
The philosopher Schopenhauer understood Thou Art That or I – Thou in this way.
A person gets it when he identifies with someone not himself so much so that the barrier between persons is penetrated…
“...so that the other was no longer perceived as an indifferent stranger but as a person “in whom I suffer, in spite of the fact that his skin does not enfold my nerves.” Joseph Campbell Thou Art That, p. xii.
That is compassion. That is what makes us human.
Any kind of injustice and violence that disturbs that I – Thou must be resisted. We cannot resist in a way that increases the violence. It results in cycles of violence that never end. We must resist in a way that disarms and elevates human dignity. That requires creativity.
I ultimately have great hope for humanity and for Earth.
I know I sound apocalyptic now and then about our future.
That is because I do not trust our economy, our politics, our technology, or our ideology (or anyone else’s for that matter). I do believe we are in the midst of major change.
But I believe in, I trust in, the I – Thou in the Thou Are That in the Communion of Saints, in the compassion we humans have for one another when we allow barriers to be penetrated.
At the table we become aware that we are one. When you suffer, I suffer. Regardless of our creed or metaphor, The Divine Spirit, Buddhahood, Allah, the Cosmic Christ, is within each of us.
It will be kindness and compassion that will carry us through.
Mukendi is the pastor of Dikongayi Church and executive secretary of the Presbytery of Tshibashi. He is the co-founder and current CPC coordinator for APCS, the Presbyterian Action Against HIV/AIDS.
He has traveled throughout the Congo providing AIDS prevention and education with SANRU, a national community health and development organization, and with Training for Transformation, a global health action program that focuses on women’s issues and community development.
At the various venues he will address the following topics:
Gender inequality and its impact on peace and justice in the Kasai region of the Congo.
The influence of urban youth on the society; the challenge that Christian youths face in the Congo.
The water crisis that currently faces Congolese society.
The difficulty of attaining a state of individual or community self-sufficiency in Congo.
He will speak Sunday at Covenant Presbyterian Church, 603 Sunset Drive, during the adult Sunday school class at 9:45 a.m. and the worship service at 11;
PISCATAWAY, N.J. (AP) — The shocking suicide of a college student whose sex life was broadcast over the Web illustrates yet again the Internet's alarming potential as a means of tormenting others and raises questions whether young people in the age of Twitter and Facebook can even distinguish public from private.
Cruel gossip and vengeful acts once confined to the schoolyard or the dorm can now make their way around the world instantly via the Internet, along with photos and live video.
"It's just a matter of when the next suicide's going to hit, when the next attack's going to hit," said Parry Aftab, a New Jersey lawyer who runs the website WiredSafety.
Last week, Rutgers University freshman Tyler Clementi jumped to his death from the George Washington Bridge after his roommate and another classmate allegedly used a webcam to secretly broadcast his dorm room sexual encounters with another man. The two classmates have been charged with invasion of privacy, with the most serious charges carrying up to five years in prison.
The suicide of Clementi, a shy, gifted 18-year-old violinist, shocked and disturbed gay rights activists and others on campus.
"Had he been in bed with a woman, this would not have happened," said Rutgers student Lauren Felton, 21, of Warren, N.J. "He wouldn't have been outed via an online broadcast, and his privacy would have been respected and he might still have his life."
The Associated Press found at least 12 cases in the U.S. since 2003 in which children and young adults between 11 and 18 killed themselves after falling victim to some form of "cyberbullying" — teasing, harassing or intimidating with pictures or words distributed online or via text message....
....Aftab said young people who would never bully someone face to face do it online in part because of the often-false sense of anonymity that the Internet provides.
"They'll also jump on because they don't want to be the next target," Aftab said. [Read more]
This is simply tragic and senseless. We are not helpless. There are many programs and educational websites to help us learn about bullying and work together to stop it. Search anti-bullying for a number of links.
Anyone had any luck leading a youth or college class on this topic?
