Shuck and Jive

Thursday, April 05, 2012

Janet and Me to Rule General Assembly

After nearly twenty years in the ministry, I finally get to go to the PC(USA) General Assembly.  

The LayMAN broke the story.
Shuck has been elected by Holston Presbytery to serve as a voting commissioner to the PCUSA’s 2012 General Assembly.

That is the truth.  Even though there may be a thousand other commissioners (or however many there are) what is important is that I am going.  As we all know Beloveds, it is all about me.   

Well it is about me and Janet.
Shuck is not alone. At the General Assembly, he will find allies who are equally dismissive of God’s Word. The Rev. Janet Edwards, a self-identified “bisexual” whose officiating at lesbian wedding ceremonies have made the news in recent years, will also be there as a voting commissioner, promoting her bid to become moderator of the General Assembly.
Me and Janet the bisexual are going to occupy GA.   Because of that...
Biblically faithful Presbyterians by the tens of thousands are heading for the exit. That massive migration has so seriously enervated the few evangelical Christians remaining that Edwards may now campaign for the once-esteemed office of moderator while Shuck parades with impunity his unbelief.
I couldn't pay an advertising company to create a better endorsement.  Thank you, Parker!   He is my SuperPac Daddy!   Janet and I also received endorsements from his disciples:
"I am always amazed that leaders such as John Shuck are permitted to continue to minister within the PCUSA with their heretical teachings."  Rev. Soto
I am amazed too now and again.  But not all are amazed:
I cannot believe that anyone is surprised by the heresy and apostasy running absolutely rampant in the PCUSA.  With enormous hubris and arrogance, Shuck has been trumpeting his heresy in his blog and pulpit for years, aided and abetted by fellow travelers and non-believers in his "congregation" and his presbytery. 

"That he and Edwards ("... who calls herself a prophetess. By her teaching she misleads my servants into sexual immorality...") and others like them will be allowed to pollute and poison the processes and activities of the upcoming GA, and is a completely foreseeable result of the capture of our hierarchy by liberal progressives who are hostile to, and dismissive of, the Word of God.  The orthodox believers remaining in this denomination should be prepared for even more apostasy in July.  Shame on Pittsburgh and Holston for even sending these people to GA."  Rev. Yearsley 
There you have it.

But you don't know the latest.   Janet is "standing for moderator" for GA.  What that means is that all the candidates for moderator stand there and the one who pulls the sword from the stone gets to be queen.   I am certain that Janet, as prophetess and anointed bisexual, will receive this divine honor.  

When Janet becomes Queen of Presbyteriandom she will in turn, crown me as Duke.


I already have the hat.

Together we will parade with impunity and pollute and poison the General Assembly with apostasy.  

Here is our platform:  
Free ice cream for everyone every Friday.
We learned our lesson from history.  It is not enough to let them eat cake as the fated Marie Antoinette learned too late.   

Let them eat cake and ice cream!


  1. Congratulations, John! No one ever sent me to GA, except as a presbytery exec observer. When you are there, walk behind the stage. There you will see all of the GA staff minions manipulating the proceedings. Be selective about parties you attend late at night. Some are just fun, and others, if you can find out about them, are where the action truly is (such as the moderator's friends manipulating the proceedings). Good luck to Janet.

  2. ANd don't forget to take your hat.

  3. I've been to GA a couple times (once as a commissioner *gasp!*, once as an Overture Advocate.) Enjoy! But be sure you have your GA to English dictionary handy, as no one there speaks English. OGA, OA, YAD, TSAD, I think I met a rad mad sad lad. (Sorry, that joke was BAD)

    BTW, I've seen Labor Day parades and 4th of July parades, and Easter Parades and Rose Parades, but I've never seen an Impunity Parade. I take it you and Janet are the Grand Marshalls?

    (Speaking of English, "Shuck parades with impunity his unbelief." I'm not sure you can do that with the English language. And who is Impunity and why are you parading with his unbelief? Someone with at least an 8th grade knowledge of English ought to proofread those editorials.)

  4. Heh. The new motto of GA: Now with even more apostasy.

    (I hate to be Conan the Grammarian here, but apostasy either is or isn't. It is the renunciation of belief, which you can't do halfway. You can't have some apostasy any more than you can have some pregnancy. So "even more apostasy" doesn't really work either. But I wouldn't expect ministers like Yearsley to know that, because it isn't like their training and vocation involves ... ya know ... using words or nuthin'.)

  5. You go John. If folks like the LayPeople weren't in some danger of electing one of their own to the presidency of the U.S. this would be even more hilarious than it is.

  6. Alan,

    I think Impunity is a she. Like Suzie, or Betty.


  7. For those who are searching my blog after reading Parker's editorial (which also made the print edition), here is the March 4th sermon, the February 26th sermon, and the post from 2010 from which Parker mined a quote.

    There is a lot of interesting stuff on this blog which is about at its best being honest about matters of life, faith, religion, and lightening up. Enjoy!

  8. Yum! Deelicious! I really enjoyed the cake. And the ice cream. I don't even know the meaning of words like "apostacy" but I am reminded of a scripture somewhere: "you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free." Interesting that while that did really just pop into my mind, I really did look it up too. The context is when people are judging the woman at the well. Well, lest I become judgemental I'll stop my comments shy of expressing directly why that story "so" relates to this. Let's just say, while I won't judge an other, I feel free to observe fruits of the spirit. I definitely know which tree I would rather eat from. Congrats! :-)

  9. About the free ice cream - Bob Funk had a better idea: free wine and bread and cheese, tellin' tales and swappin' lies every Friday at 4 p.m. I suggest this for your platform.

  10. Ooooh, Dennis! If that actually happens, I may decide to come to work on Fridays!