Shuck and Jive

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

All Dogs Go To Atheists

You can't beat this deal. Born-again Christians should take advantage:

You've committed your life to Jesus. But when the Rapture comes what's to become of your loving pets who are left behind? Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

We are a group of dedicated animal lovers, and atheists. Each Eternal Earth-Bound Pet representative is a confirmed atheist, and as such will still be here on Earth after you've received your reward. Our network of animal activists are committed to step in when you step up to Jesus.

...Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable. For $110.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved. Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $15.00 fee. A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged friends.
Check out the FAQs. Apparently, this is a real deal as nearly half the population is concerned about what will happen to their pets when the rapture occurs.

I guess atheists are good for something.

Blame Sandy


  1. Do you mean our pets won't get raptured? That's it, I'm not going.

  2. I will be in contact with this group... they may need franchises in this area, since everyone around here is cock-sure they're going to get raptured!

  3. Wow,

    Why didn't I think of that? I could make a fortune!

  4. If pets got raptured it would be socialism.