Shuck and Jive

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Gay Cooties and Busybodies

The Coalition of Presbyterian Busybodies sent my secretary another e-mail today. They are in a bit of dither over gay cooties again. The General Assembly Permanent Judicial Commission (GAPJC) is meeting tomorrow to decide on a couple of church court cases.

These cases are cause for panic for the busybodies. They describe them as "critical to the life and health of the PC(USA)." Wouldn't want a minister in the pulpit who has gay cooties. The world might end. Here is their e-mail:

Dear First Presbyterian Church of Elizabethton, TN,

The General Assembly Permanent Judicial Commission (GA-PJC) will be hearing two cases this week that are critical to the life and health of the PC(USA). I'm writing to ask you and your churches to pray for PJC decisions that will honor the Lord of the Church.

The Lord of the Church thinks gay cooties are icky.

On Friday, October 30, the GA-PJC will meet at the Embassy Suites Indianapolis Downtown 110 W Washington, St., Indianapolis, IN), phone: 317-236-1800. The hearings will begin at 8:30 a.m. Eastern.

If you are in the Indianapolis area, please consider going to this meeting and praying on site. GA-PJC proceedings are open to the public.

Get your homophobic butt outta bed and pray away the gay!

The PJC will be hearing two cases. Both cases involve persons whose testimonies and/or behavior on sexuality are in conflict with the "fidelity and chastity" paragraph of the Book of Order (G-6.0106b). The polity applicable to both cases, previously unambiguous, was brought into question when the General Assembly adopted an authoritative interpretation (AI) in 2006. The AI was based on a recommendation of the Peace, Unity, and Purity (PUP) Report and allegedly allows presbyteries to grant exceptions to ordination requirements.

Even if a single cootie gets through, we are all screwed.

In 2008, the PJC ruled in Bush et al. v. Presbytery of Pittsburgh that presbyteries may not grant exceptions to any explicitly stated requirement of the constitution. The Bush decision made specific reference to the "fidelity and chastity" requirement of G-6.0106b, but the decision did not apply "fidelity and chastity" or the 2006 AI to any specific person.

What?? We don't know what we just said. Just remember gays are bad; the Bible says!

The cases being heard on Friday pertain to the consideration of specific individuals for ministerial office. Both of these cases represent attempts to seek an exception for specific homosexual persons who have openly acknowledged that they do not intend to comply with the requirements of G-6.0106b.

Ain't nothing worse than a non-complying cootie.

Please pray:

Because God needs to stay on message!
  • that the GA-PJC will render decisions that honor the Savior and are consistent with Scripture and the specific requirements of our constitution (which were upheld for the fourth time in a vote by the presbyteries in 2008-2009).
  • Have we said that the Savior is not honored by gay cooties?
  • for those who will be in Indianapolis to argue these cases. Pray for those on both sides of the arguments: pray for clarity; pray that truth will prevail.
  • You know the kinda truth we're looking for, right Lord?
  • for redemption for all whose beliefs and practices are contrary to the will of Christ revealed in Scripture, that they would find redemption through confession and God's forgiveness.
  • Or just pray that Christ will smite the cooties!
  • that God will empower those who are in Indianapolis as his witnesses and instruments of his truth.
  • Or we'll smite them for Him!
Then they graciously send you to their webpage so you will be armed with the "truth" and will thus be able to do more smiting. Lisa Larges is one of the cases to be reviewed tomorrow.

Check out That All May Freely Serve for updates.


  1. this is so f**king far from what jesus commanded us to to for the kingdom it is simply repulsive.

    where is the same energy spent to combat the clear consent to the systems of government and economics that breed greed, poverty, inequity, injustice, hate, and exclusion? these people are not people of god. i am sick right now. sorry.

  2. It shocks me the extent that these folks have gone to protect the pulpit from one blind lesbian. I mean, Lisa rocks, but I don't *think* she possesses any superpowers. I don't think if she were in the pulpit that Western Christendom would come to a crashing end. But here they go, continuing to beat her up for the temerity to want to serve in 'their' church.

    Of course they have their sights on Shuck as well. Guilt by homo-association I guess.

    All of this I find just a little stupid since it seems to imply that pastors are extra special and have magic dharma that the rest of us folks in the pews don't get, and thus the extraordinary lengths the BFS crew wants to go to make sure that God doesn't get contaminated by these dirty homos and homo-lovers.

    Or maybe its that these folks are really only happy if they're fucking with people's livelihoods.

    Wait, I thought we were reformed, or 'classically presbyterian'. Guess not. :-)

  3. I just want to know when we can be done with this, so we can move on to stamping out other scripturally abhorrent practices like pork-chop eating and shrimp-cocktail slurping!

  4. "for redemption for all whose beliefs and practices are contrary to the will of Christ revealed in Scripture, that they would find redemption through confession and God's forgiveness."

    If only they knew what they were praying for here. I love it when the wing-nuts shoot themselves in the foot out of their own biblical ignorance.

  5. I'm sure God hears their prayers. Unfortunately for them, they appear to have never considered that Her answer might be "No."

    I do however love the notion of their "prayer talking points": ie. for God's sake, whatever you do, don't pray for God's will to be done!!! Instead pray that *our* will be done. We can't possibly leave this up to God, what are you crazy??!

    Interesting "theology" there.

  6. My first time here. This blog rocks! Thank You!


  7. What I don't understand is when Presbyterians began worshiping The Book of Order. In doing so they have ceased to worship God, hear the words of Jesus Christ, or care about each other, which, by the way, both Hebrew scripture and the apostolic writings command.

  8. Perhaps you all should take a step back and consider your own arrogant and inflated sense of self that you think you know what God wants but "the other side" you so castigate doesn't. You seem to consider yourselves so above them....but all I see are rebellious little teenagers who never outgrew their anger and their need to shock the traditional. Sad. Really.

  9. Oh anonymous. Read your bible again and show me:

    1. All the things Jesus says on this subject.
    2. All the passages that talk about committed same-sex relationships between equals.

    What? You say you can't find them? Oh my goodness! What could that possibly mean...?

    Perhaps that prejudice is overwhelming your understanding of the gospel?

    Really. WHO are the petulant teenagers? The ones so afraid of the gay cooties, perhaps?

  10. If God is All-Knowing, All-Seeing, and All Powerful (as the busybodies would like to have us believe), then why does anyone think s/he he can be swayed by talking points? Talk about arrogance!

  11. That's the problem with God. He doesn't always listen to his advisors. He's a maverick doncha know.

  12. Anonymous--No guts, no glory

    Step up and stand for what you beleive. I get beat up all the time, but I learn alot and take it to heart.

    GOD = HE, need I say more.

    2. All the passages that talk about committed same-sex relationships between equals.

    HE said nothing, nada, not one thing. The same thing he is saying now, nothing.

    Tell me again. Trying to protect what they believe is wrong because...

  13. Mary, I like you.

    I am not sure I understand you, and I don't agree with you, but I like you. You have a warrior spirit.

  14. For me it is a search for truth. So far this has been the most forthright with its oppinions and beleifs. As a fellow Presbyterian I want to hear another Presbyterian thoughts and beleifs.

  15. "Perhaps you all should take a step back and consider your own arrogant and inflated sense of self that you think you know what God wants but "the other side" you so castigate doesn't."


    Whenever I state my interpretation of Scripture, I preface the statement with "I believe..." or "I think..." I do that because I take sin and the concept of total depravity seriously. I know that my interpretation of Scripture is not Scripture, and that my understanding of the truth, no matter how close I might get on my very best days, is still miles away from God's truth.

    They don't get that.

    The busybodies, fusspots, tattletales and scolds preface their interpretations with "God says..." or "The Bible says..."

    Sorry, but unless they've had an up close and personal meeting with a burning bush, or have a very different talking version of the Bible than what is sold in most bookstores, God did not say anything to them, nor did the Bible. Their interpretations are just that, their interpretations.

    That they and you don't understand that simple concept is the real hubris here and it borders on idolatry. There's a great story in the Bible about this that you might want to read sometime. It's in Genesis and it has to do with an apple. Look it up.

  16. BTW, Mary,

    No matter how much I disagree with you (and my guess is that we probably agree on a great many things, but tend to engage on things we disagree about more often), I do want you to know that I respect you for 1) engaging in dialogue (not just potshots) with people with whom you disagree, and 2) having the guts to do so without being anonymous.

    I can't speak for anyone else here, but I'd rather read 1000 of your comments than 1 nastygram from some anonymous coward.

    If Mr or Mrs Anonymous is trying to speak truth to us, perhaps he/she should consider all the Biblical examples in which God has sent anonymous prophets or disciples to speak truth to people. The answer is zero. I think that pretty much says all we need to know about his/her knowledge of the Bible.

  17. Well, the decisions are out and it busybodies lost. Their typical self-contradictory attempts to circumvent one part of the Book of Order in order to see that their favorite anti-gay part of the Book of Order is enforced were not sustained.

    Excellent news.

    Let the far right whining begin in 3...2...1....

    Note to the busybodies, fusspots, tattletales, and scolds: if you want someone to proofread your silly, self-contradictory legal suits to see if that make any sense whatsoever, I'm happy to do so for free. That would save you the money of paying whatever hacks you've been hiring. And it would save us the time of having to listen to your whining when you loose.

  18. They didn't pray hard enough and apparently God forgot the assignment.