Shuck and Jive

Friday, February 08, 2008

How Would Molly Vote?

In a previous post When Did You Stop Being Racist and Sexist? I suggested it would be beneficial for Dems to play nice and not wound either Obama or Clinton before either takes on the big challenge in November. Even if our favorite doesn't get nominated, we might consider sucking it up and supporting the next best.

I quoted Molly Ivins:

"In the primaries, I vote to change the world; in November, I vote for a sliver more for programs that help the needy."

TN420 proved once again that even the devil can quote scripture (he's not the devil, I am, just ask my colleagues). TN420 also quoted Molly:

"I'd like to make it clear to the people who run the Democratic Party that I will not support Hillary Clinton for president."

Since our beloved patron saint of kicking ass for justice has now passed on to that heavenly speedway, I thought I would check in with the secretary of Jesus 9B8 Gamma Sector, to see if he might be able to get in touch with Molly and straighten this out. Here is his report:

Hey Everyone!

Greetings from the Heavenly Speedway! I have to tell you things just haven't been the same here since Molly arrived. She is raising hell in heaven, to be sure. Even YHWH tries to hide from her, but he can't escape her snarky memos. She is advocating for the liberation of the angels and she just may get that job done. She is here for eternity after all.

I caught up with Molly last night. She still has her boots on.

Secretary: Molly, let me get right to the point. The 2008 election is underway. McCain looks to be the Republican nominee and Hillary and Barack are neck and neck for the Dems. How would you vote?

Molly: Oh, crap, are those the choices? I haven't even been following American politics. Hell, I gotta enough to do in Heaven. We've got YHWH who thinks he is king of creation and doesn't do a damn thing for his own angels let alone the suffering on Earth. Then there is Jr. flying off around the galaxy with Mary Magdalene. Another slow mover, that one. Heaven is more messed up than Texas.

Secretary: Well the Dems are in a bit of a battle calling each other sexist and racist and they are seeking your sage advice.

Molly: Don't get me started on the Dems. What a bunch of snot-nosed crybabies. They don't even know when they are ahead. Now pay attention:

What kind of courage does it take, for mercy's sake? The majority of the American people (55 percent) think the war in Iraq is a mistake and that we should get out. The majority (65 percent) of the American people want single-payer health care and are willing to pay more taxes to get it. The majority (86 percent) of the American people favor raising the minimum wage. The majority of the American people (60 percent) favor repealing Bush's tax cuts, or at least those that go only to the rich. The majority (66 percent) wants to reduce the deficit not by cutting domestic spending, but by reducing Pentagon spending or raising taxes.

The majority (77 percent) thinks we should do "whatever it takes" to protect the environment. The majority (87 percent) thinks big oil companies are gouging consumers and would support a windfall profits tax. That is the center, you fools. WHO ARE YOU AFRAID OF? (link)

Secretary: You said in a column that you would not support Hillary Clinton for president. If she gets the nomination, would you not vote? Vote for McCain? Write in a candidate?

Molly: That's the advantage of being dead, sweetheart. You don't have to eat your words. I am done voting. My work is up here. now. Your work is on Earth. Listen:

What stuns me most about contemporary politics is not even that the system has been so badly corrupted by money. It is that so few people get the connection between their lives and what the bozos do in Washington and our state capitols. "I'm just not interested in politics." "They're all crooks." "Nothing I can do about it, I'm just one person. I can't buy influence."

Politics is not a picture on a wall or a television sitcom you can decide you don't much care for. Is the person who prescribes your eyeglasses qualified to do so? How deep will you be buried when you die? What textbooks are your children learning from at school? What will happen if you become seriously ill? Is the meat you're eating tainted? Will you be able to afford to go to college or to send your kids? Would you like a vacation? Expect to retire before you die? Can you find a job? Drive a car? Afford insurance? Is your credit card company or your banker or your broker ripping you off? It's all politics, Bubba. You don't get to opt out for lack of interest.

In this putrid election season, every television ad seems to announce that the other guy sucks eggs, runs on all fours, molests small children and has the brain of an adolescent pissant. It's tempting to join the "pox on both their houses" crowd. They're close to right, but they're still wrong.

Here's the good news: All of this can actually be fixed. By me, you, us -- no kidding, no bull. Nothing you can do about it? Just one person? As an American at this time, you have more political power than 99 percent of all the people who have ever lived on earth. And should you round up four friends who don't usually vote, you'll have four times that much political power. Why throw that away? (link)

Secretary: But I am still not sure how you would advise us about Clinton and Obama.

Molly: You are not hearing me, Beloved. Get out and vote for the candidate that will do the least damage. But, don't think you have done your duty. I am quoted all over the internet as saying, "What you need is sustained outrage...there's far too much unthinking respect given to authority." You need to tell that candidate what to do! I didn't elect YHWH or his son. But shame him into justice I will. We all must. We need to get active.

Secretary: Folks on Earth miss you Molly. Is there anyone who will take your place?

Molly: Oh please. I am no saint. You all need to keep at it. We don't need a single charismatic hero or heroine. It is up to all of us. But you gotta enjoy it!

So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was. (link)

Secretary: Thank you, Molly! It is always a pleasure.

Molly: Well, Mr. Secretary, it has been fun chatting with you. But Ann Richards and I are in for a little recreation. We are going to tear up this speedway. Miss Ann is still speeding up on curves.

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic post, John. Thanks for chanelling not only the Sec'y of all Sec'ies, but Molly, too.