Shuck and Jive

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Fundie Spam!

Snad, the keeper of the email at First Pres., got spammed by fundies! The Presbyterian Homophobic Coalition sent out love spam apparently to all PCUSA congregations. It must be all. Good grief, we got one. We are about the last church in the denomination to vote with the religious Reich.

The Presbyterian Coalition wants all folks to love their Bibles (especially the naughty parts) more than actual human beings. I think that is a rather odd theory of life. But these are odd folks. If you didn't receive their spam of hate (oops spam of love), here it is (with exegetical commentary of what they really mean):

Dear First Presbyterian Church of Elizabethton, TN,

Damn heretics!

Voting on the amendments will start up again this month after a break for the celebration of Jesus' birth.

We have finished buying useless crap for Jeebus and now want to bash gays for him!

The Joint Renewal Team completed its review of all fourteen amendments (08-A through 08-N) sent down by the 218th General Assembly for a vote by the presbyteries, and their comments and recommendations are now available.

We have been working on renewing the perfect joint--preferably with fewer seeds and stems.

You will see that the team made recommendations only in cases where we judged that the amendment would bring about a significant change.

You can bet we don't like change. We are still ticked that women got the vote.

The most important amendment before the Church this year is Amendment B. We recommend a "no" vote on that amendment.

There is nothing more important on God's green planet than avoiding gay cooties.

To date, thirteen of the 173 presbyteries have voted on Amendment B. Twelve have voted "no." Most of the voting still lies ahead; the greatest number of votes will occur between January and March of this year. The voting must be completed by the end of June 2009.

So get out there with that anti-gay propaganda! Time's a wastin'!

I'm available to help you prepare for the vote in your presbytery. Please visit the Campaign website, where you will find a wealth of resources. You can reach me by email ( or phone (703-680-4571) as well.

I got a whole bucket of lies and threats to help you pummel the unsuspecting!

May God grant that 2009 be a year in which we Presbyterians experience with renewed hope all of the benefits that are ours in Christ Jesus, and rejoice in the abundant riches of his grace.

We couldn't keep Negroes on the plantation or women in the kitchen, but with God's help we can keep gays in the closet!

Pray for the Church.

Or failing that, refuse to pay per capita and foment schism.

Yours in Christ,

Terry Schlossberg
Coordinator, Campaign to Defeat Amendment B
Looks like a fun couple of months ahead!


  1. A couple weeks ago a fundraising mailer fell out of our copy of the LAYMan when it arrived. (Yes, we get the LAYman, because we get it free and it costs them money to send it to us, and it is the perfect size for lining the kitty litter box. The only downside is that the Presbyterian Lay Committee counts anyone who gets the LAYman as a "member.")

    Anyhoo... I wish I'd kept it because it was an excellent rant about the PCUSA and in particular how stupid our GA Commissioners were this year and how we're all heretics, etc. But it went into the shredder before I had the chance to save it.

  2. i feel fortunate that my introduction to pcusa was through a pastor similar to you (though, honestly a little more toned down) than someone like that fellow who sent the letter and his cronies. i would have ended up running as fast as i could from any church with pcusa stamped on it. instead i got to see that the denomination is actually very diverse. :)

  3. Alan--in my last church, the LayMAN got ahold of our mailing list and sent everyone in the church their bird liner whether folks wanted it or not!


    a pastor similar to you (though, honestly a little more toned down)

    That's cool. We all have our roles to play.

  4. John -
    I hope you realize my comment was meant as a compliment to both you and paul.

  5. Hah! I get the Coalition e-news all the time. I've kept all the old ones in a mailbox on my Mac. It's called "IRD FRont Group" in case you want to catch up, John.

  6. I do! Thanks Brooke!

    Snad--you gotta file on 'em eh? That's funny.

  7. I keep toying with the notion of seeing how good their mailing list software is. I wonder how many variations of my name and/or address I can get on their mailing list. LOL

  8. John, I continue to enjoy your blog. It is a breath of fresh air where the PC(USA) in my neighborhood is concerned.

    Alan,I look back through history at all the "heretics" and am happy to be one myself.

  9. local MD--welcome to the unholy disorder!