Shuck and Jive

Opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent the views of the congregation I joyfully serve. But my congregation loves me!

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

The Rapture Will Occur on July 7, 2007


I have been busy as the secretary of Jesus working out his calendar (you know to plan his big events and appearances). I thought I would let you know that he plans to return to Earth in the clouds to gather the faithful on July 7, 2007 at 7 am and 7 minutes and 7 seconds Jerusalem time. 07/07/07 and 07:07:07. It will be a great day. So make your plans. Do all the things you want to do before the rapture and be sure and get saved on July 6th. Nasty stuff for those Left Behind.







The Rapture













Here is an interesting article from the
Christian Science Monitor that suggests that 59% of Americans believe that "the events in the Bible book of Revelation will occur in the future."


But that isn't all. According to the Christian Post, one in four Americans believe the party will begin in 2007. That's right! Twenty-five percent of Americans think that Jesus is returning in 2007!

One in four Americans anticipates the second coming of Christ in 2007. This is one several predictions made by Americans in a recent poll for the new year.

A poll by Ipsos, an international polling firm, found that 11 percent of respondents said it is "very likely" that Jesus will return to Earth this year and 14 percent said it was "somewhat likely."

Among white evangelical Christians, 46 percent said it's at least somewhat likely that Jesus will return in 2007 compared to 17 percent of Catholics and 10 percent of those with no religion. (Read More)


So Jesus and I thought, why disappoint them? So we've decided (this is from direct revelation so it cannot be questioned) that July 7th would be a fine day. Now make sure you don't get confused regarding the time zones. Jerusalem is seven hours ahead of us in East Tennessee (Eastern Time) and ten hours of our friends in California. So make sure you are one with our Lord by midnight EST (which will give you seven minutes and seven seconds leeway--just enough time to freshen up).

Here is another prediction. I bet the guy with the green head will be one of the first to comment on this post!

11 comments:

  1. John
    I am Reformed as you must know. I am not a dispensationalist. But I do believe in the return of my Lord and Savior sometime! When I read your post I thought of the verse in the Bible which says, "Know this first of all, that in the last days mockers will come with their mocking, following after their own lusts, and saying, ‘where is the promise of his coming?’"
    Of course the last days applies to the whole church age after the Incarnation and resurrection. So there have always been those who make fun of believers who look forward to the second appearing of Jesus Christ.
    So I am also thinking of the verse which says, "Come Lord Jesus." (Rev.22:20b)

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  2. John,

    I can see where you're coming from with this post. Paul's letters are written with the expectation that the second coming would return in his lifetime, and the author of Mark seemed to be under that view, as well. Then when all the predictions of Jesus' return throughout the last 2,000 years are added in ... a lot of people don't seem to pay attention to the whole 'no one will know the day or hour' verse. And when you have that many failed predictions, it gets hard to take something like that seriously.

    That, and if Jesus as the Messiah didn't match expectations, why does anyone think that they'll know how the second coming will occur?

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  3. In a seminary worship class, we were sent out to different kinds of churches. I went to a Pentecostal megachurch called "The PromiseLand." About three fourths of the way through a loooong sermon, the preacher had all 1500 of us get up out of our seats and jump toward the ceiling. He called this "rapture practice." Anyhow, I just wanted you to know that I've practiced and I'm ready.

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  4. Can we not wait until the 20th please, I've always wanted a special birthday treat.

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  6. The really sad thing is that Jerry Falwell died before he got to experience the rapture. I mean, he warned us about it and all, so it is a shame he didn't get to partake himself.

    You know, though, some of us have a fear of heights, and we are afraid to ride in balloons or stand at bridge railings and so forth. I think I'd crap in my pants if I were raptured. It is probably better that I not convert before 7/7. I'll take the Tribulation over crapping in my pants any day.

    Oh, and I'm sure that Viola can come up with a reason why John's posting has something to do with the rise of Nazism, if she just tries hard enough.

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  7. One day after my 30th birthday. Indeed. My mother has now spent 30 years blaming me for not being born on 7/7/77... I am just too impatient.

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  8. This is contradictory with the Word of God: "But of that day or that hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father." (Mark 13:32).

    God is not a liar. God always speaks the truth because He is the Truth!

    Take care, and God Bless You.

    Maja.

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  9. There is a web site called LineForHeaven.com which lets you save your Soul online.

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  10. Are we going to actually fly up like that? I thought about First Class in the Boeing 777 would be more my speed.

    Too bad you won't get to build your labyrinth, being raptured and all.

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  11. Thanks all for the comments!

    Victor,

    We try to make it convenient!

    Reverend Mommy,

    It breaks my heart about the labyrinth. But hopefully, the sinners who remain will finish it!

    Blessings,
    Secretary 9B8 Gamma Sector

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