Shuck and Jive

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Why the Obamas Should Become Presbyterian

As you know by now, Barack and Michelle Obama have left their church. It got a little hot in the pulpit. Here is his decision:

H/T Ponderings

Now that they are fair game,
  • sheep without a shepherd,
  • sinners without a hospital,
  • and probably hefty donors without a congregation to which to give,
I hereby invite the Obamas to become members of First Presbyterian Church of Elizabethton! Here is why you should pick us:
  1. I rarely say, "God damn America" from the pulpit. (At least I haven't been recorded as saying it).
  2. Ten former presidents have been Presbyterian. a whopping 23.8% (second only to the Episcopalians--but if you become Presbyterian, we would tie with the Episcopalians and knock them of their pedestal).
  3. The American Revolution was considered by King George III as that "Presbyterian Rebellion." Can't get more American than that.
  4. First Pres of Elizabethton is 225 years old, dating back to the Rebellion. Tennessee Presbyterians kicked some Anglican tail at King's Mountain.
  5. Like the Obamas, we have now taken that fightin' spirit and have turned it toward peacemaking.
  6. Like the Obamas, we work to alleviate hunger and make the world a better place.
  7. We are progressive and a More Light-CovNet congregation and like the Obamas believe in equal rights for lgbt people.
  8. We have an awesome nursery and children's ministry--we are a fun, safe place for the little Obamas.
  9. We will let you dress up.
  10. And when Heifer Project comes round again, you can join our ritual and kiss a llama, Obama.
I await with eagerness your letter of transfer.


  1. Way to go John, you are right on, some of these things were exactly what I was thinking. The PCUSA has its progressive elements, the rest of them are headed out to pasture with the new wineskins in an all white southern conservative culture. No jubilee sunday is needed for Progressive presbyterians, we're happy right where we are and proud of ourselves and our multi ethnic, multi racial and accepting sexual orientation culture including straights. This is where our culture is headed - valuing all people and the PCUSA reflects the best of America with love of all people in Christ. Obama would fit right in.

  2. Much as I'd love to be able to claim Obama as a fellow theological liberal, I suspect the association with such a firebrand as yourself would lead to even further alienation from the Christian right, which is hardly what Obama needs at the moment. ;)

  3. Well they can come and join my congregation any time they like.

    It is a long way to commute, though.

  4. I'll sponsor them at 1st Bristol anytime. I'm still a member and I scare most of them. ;)

  5. Every one knows that they quit the christian church so that they could go back to being Mooslems.

  6. I dunno. After all this mess with the inner workings of the Democratic Party, the Obamas are probably sick of bureaucratic foodfights. They probably wouldn't want to join the granddaddy of them all just now.

    A: "The Founding Fathers based the form of American government on the Presbyterian church."

    B: "Yeah, and they've regretted it ever since."

  7. Hey, hey, hey!! Quit trying to poach Obama from the UCC. He just needs to find a "quieter" UCC congregation. ;)

  8. John,

    I do think that Barack Obama should become a Disciple. First of all, we're a unity movement. Second, Alexander Campbell and Barton Stone were denizens of West Virginia and Kentucky. And while not having as many presidents as do the Presbys, we've had our share -- James Garfield, LBJ, and Ronald Reagan. Yes, Reagan spent his time with the Presbys, but his heritage is DOC.

    Besides all of that the DOC and the UCC are partners -- so he could have dual citizenship.

    So, I invite him to join us at Central Woodward Christian Church in Troy, MI (see that's a good thing as well since he needs to connect with Michiganders). Of course he'll have to wait until I get there in July!

  9. By all means, you can have Reagan. PLEASE take Reagan.

  10. Just checking in to see if you are alive and well.

    You are missed!

  11. Thanks to all for keeping the conversation going while I was on vacation. I realized after about a week and a half that I spelled Barack Obama's name wrong!! I fixed it now.

    Do you think that is why I haven't received the letter of transfer yet?