Shuck and Jive

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Good Night, Beloveds

It is near midnight. Another day is done. Rev. Jane Spahr is not guilty. I am happy for that and thankful to her for all her good work in helping us recognize the sacredness of relationships. Now it is time for bed. I am going to put on my Armor of God pjs and dream of good things.

hat tip Snad


  1. Now it all makes sense! I always wondered why those Victoria's Secret lingerie models would wear barely anything. Now I know that they were just flowing with the spirit of God and had no fears...therefore they did not need all of that extra spiritual armor! How cool!

  2. Holy crap, I thought this was a joke!

    I realize this may seem a little, well, gross, but it's a burning question for the CHRISTIAN!!! parent.

    As little Boaz grows into Godly manhood, he will experience some changes as God sends little hormone angels through his bloodstream. These little angels will torment him until the day he is married and lies with his wife (only once per child!). But long before that, they will cause him, assuming that he does not commit the Sin of Onan with his Shield of Faith pillow (the fly-less pants with Wings of Peace would seem to be designed to prevent such sin), to emit certain, well, emissions that are pretty darn hard to get out of fake satin. Will the faithful mother need to dry-clean the armor?

    On a less gross note, the boy's hat looks really uncomfortable and the girl's probably constitutes a strangling hazard. Can these be removed whilst the child sleeps, or does he/she have to remain fully armed through the night for the Bible Magic® to work? If Mom fails to keep little Boaz and Jael fully clad, will they end up Buddhist or (horrors) vote Democratic?

    At least they provide Salvation® for free.

  3. And a lot of Protestants might mock me for my glow-in-the-dark baby Jesus statue... Not fair!

    You know, I see the reference to Ephesians, and I am reminded of something I have written a little bit about, but more must come - St. Paul ran the gamut from deep and enduring wisdom to pedantic assholery and back to wisdom like nobody's business.

  4. Yes, and I noticed how the little girl, if she does not indeed get strangled by her veil, is already prepared for her wedding day.

  5. And in this promo photo, she's holding hands with the boy who's presumably her brother.