Shuck and Jive

Monday, October 29, 2007

We Have Found A Witch! May We Burn Her?

Some bewitching fun for Halloween.

Engraving by Albrecht Durer, "The Four Witches"

Here is a classic:

"Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?"

Question: Why do witches ride brooms?

Witches ride brooms because Nature abhors a vacuum.

True enough. And there are more reasons yet (from asking Jeeves on the internet):

1) To sweep away psychic dirt.
2) To bring a good harvest.
3) To
get high. (An adult answer)

Question: Why don't witches ride their brooms when they are angry?

Answer: Because they are afraid they will fly off the handle.

Plus thirteen facts about witches from Witches Way:

  1. Witchcraft (Wicca) is a federally recognized religion.
  2. Witches DON'T believe in a devil of any kind.
  3. Witches believe in a God and Goddess.
  4. Witches are intelligent, community-conscious, thoughtful men and women.
  5. Witches don't fly on brooms!
  6. Witches are not dark, ugly people!
  7. A spell is simply a ritualized prayer.
  8. Witches believe in the Law of 3, which is anything you do comes back to you. Good or bad.
  9. Witches are made, not born. (Some exceptions here)
  10. Witchcraft is a way of life as well as a religion.
  11. You have probably met a witch and didn't know it.
  12. Most of what you know about witchcraft is probably wrong.
  13. Witches are healers.
Finally, here is some information about Wicca from the folks who practice it:
Contrary to what those who choose to persecute or lie about us wish to believe, Wicca is a very peaceful, harmonious and balanced way of thinking and life which promotes oneness with the divine and all which exists. (Read More)
So be nice to a witch this Halloween!


  1. I'm just waiting for the usual suspects to go after you for having written this.

    Kind of gives a whole new meaning to "witch hunting", though. :)

  2. John,

    Of course you can't burn witches.

    You don't have enough carbon offset credits.

  3. Good one, Chris!

    And kudos to John for the grammatically correct headline. One mustn't use poor language when asking to burn witches.

  4. Oh,

    I thought this was about Ann Coulter.

    I was going to say YES! By all means proceed.

  5. Love the logic about witches from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail. "If she weighs the same as a duck she's made of wood and therefore is a witch."

    And I love the woman's response" "It's a fair cop."

    Now if only logical was so simple (and I hope more useful) in metaphysical matters!