Shuck and Jive

Friday, July 25, 2008

Rapture False Alarm

Hey Friends,

Secretary of Jesus 9B8 gamma sector here! There was a big hubbub that I need to tell you about at the Presbyterian Church General Assembly. As you know, 08/08/08 is coming up and some folks have been anticipating the return of you know who.

Well, the rumors began to fly when a photographer of the Presbyterian News Service took this photo.

Some may think he looks like my boss.

But he is not the real one. Like Santa at Christmas, sometimes Jesus sends his little helpers down to see who is being naughty and nice (and to stir up fun). He gets bored on those long intergalactic space flights.

But unless Jesus is changing his plans, there should be no rapture on 08/08/08.

By the way, Jesus told me that this General Assembly was pretty nice.

H/T Elephant's Child


  1. Love the blog. I'm in the Tri-cities area for business. I saw that the Elizabethan baseball team won tonight. Only wish I was in the area to visit on Sunday. Keep up the good work.

    - An evangelical trying to whip the other evangelicals into shape.

  2. Thanks, Connor!

    I appreciate the good words. I hope to see you next time your in the area!

  3. Hey Rev. Shuck, I don't believe in the Christian idea of rapture either, but what do you make of Iran's president addressing the UN and other speeches with the following quote: "Oh God, hasten the arrival of Imam Al-Mahdi and grant him good health and victory and make us his followers and those who attest to his rightfulness" (see here for example)

    He also says at the end of this speech that, "Without any doubt, the Promised One who is the ultimate Savior, together with Jesus Christ and other holy Saviors, will come. In the company of all believers, justice-seekers and benefactors, he will establish a bright future and fill the world with justice and beauty. " Please read it. He talks about how the super powers of the world will be brought down and that the Promsied one will rule in justice. He says,

    "Peoples and governments are not obliged to obey the injustice of certain powers. These powers, because of the reasons already mentioned, have lost the competence to lead the world. "

    "I officially declare that the age of relations arising from the Second World War as well as materialistic thoughts based on arrogance and domination is well over now. Humanity has passed a perilous precipice and the age of monotheism, purity, affinity, respecting others, justice and true peace-loving has commenced. "

    "It is the divine promise that the truth will be victorious and the earth will be inherited by the righteous. You, who are free, believers, and the people of the world, put your trust in God. "

    "You, who crave high values, wherever you are, try to prepare the grounds for the fulfillment of this great divine promise by serving the people and seeking justice. "

    "The era of darkness will end, prisoners will return home, the occupied lands will be freed, Palestine and Iraq will be liberated from the domination of the occupiers, and the people of America and Europe will be free of the pressures exerted by the Zionists. "

    "The tender-hearted and humanity-loving governments will replace the aggressive and domineering ones. Human dignity will be regained. "

    "The pleasing aroma of justice will permeate the world, and people will live together in a brotherly and affectionate manner."

    "Striving in this way to surrender rule to the righteous and Perfect Human, the Promised One, is indeed the final cure for the wounds of humanity, the solution of all problems, and the establishment of love, beauty, justice and a dignified life all over the world."

    "This belief and endeavor is the key to unity and the constructive interaction among nations, countries, the people of the world and all the true justice-seekers."

    "Without any doubt, the Promised One who is the ultimate Savior, together with Jesus Christ and other holy Saviors, will come. In the company of all believers, justice-seekers and benefactors, he will establish a bright future and fill the world with justice and beauty. "

    "This is the promise of God; therefore it will be fulfilled."

    "Let's play a part in the fulfillment of all this glory and beauty. "

    "I wish for a bright future for all human beings and the dawn of the liberation of and freedom for all humans, and the rule of love and affection all around the world, as well as the elimination of oppression, hatred and violence. A wish which I expect will be realized in the near future. "

    Do you think this guy is a complete nut? I kind of hope someody like Christ does come to shake things up. There is a lot of injustice in the world that we (me especially) are not even aware of.

  4. I think the whole difficulty with the rapture is not the deep reality itself. The church confesses in the Nicene Creed that Christ will come again, and judge the living, and the dead. That's powerful to know, and to affirm that someday God's kingdom will come in all it's fullness, and glory.

    The trouble lies more in our finite understanding, and how we picture that reality. Do we think that Jesus Christ is going to come zooming through outer space like some kind of cosmic superman, or that people are going to be flying out of their cars while the empty vehicles go careening all over the interstate?

    It all sounds ridiculous. I realize that many Christian people mean well by this depiction, and with all the tracts that are out there. But, honestly, I think they are doing more harm than good to the witness of the church.

    People see the caricature, and so end up rejecting the reality itself. And, ditto to every other great truth of the Christian faith.