Shuck and Jive

Opinions expressed here are my own and do not represent the views of the congregation I joyfully serve. But my congregation loves me!

Friday, November 02, 2007

Why Some People Choose Not To Have Kids...

The interdisciplinary comments of some grade schoolers saved for posterity by school teachers who kept journals of amusing things their students wrote in papers:
  1. The future of "I give" is "I take."
  2. The parts of speech are lungs and air.
  3. The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
  4. A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population.
  5. Water is composed of two gins. Oxygin and hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
  6. (Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.
  7. A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.
  8. The general direction of the Alps is straight up.
  9. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator.
  10. Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.
  11. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 opossums.
  12. The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the top and you sit on the bottom.
  13. We do not raise silk worms in the United States, because we get our silk from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives more silk.
  14. One of the main causes of dust is janitors.
  15. A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.
  16. One by-product of raising cattle is calves.
  17. To prevent head colds, use an agonizer to spray into the nose until it drips into the throat.
  18. The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
  19. The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
  20. Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply religious feelings.
  21. The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
  22. Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
  23. The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other.
  24. In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
  25. Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
  26. In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
  27. A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.


  1. Actually, goofy stuff like this seems like one of the major reasons to have kids. Its all the bodily functions and screaming that leaves me a little hesitant...

  2. Really funny; I got a good chuckle out of these. It's hard to pick a favorite, but I might go with this one: A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly constipated authorities.

    Those duly constipated authorities need to lay off the donuts and get some more fiber in their diets. :)