Shuck and Jive


Sunday, October 12, 2008

A Sunday Morning Prayer

Yesterday at a McCain rally in Iowa, a minister, Pastor Arnold Conrad, gave the invocation. Here was his prayer:
I would also add, Lord, that your reputation is involved in all that happens between now and November, because there are millions of people around this world praying to their god — whether it’s Hindu, Buddha, Allah — that his opponent wins, for a variety of reasons. And Lord, I pray that you will guard your own reputation, because they’re going to think that their god is bigger than you, if that happens. So I pray that you will step forward and honor your own name with all that happens between now and election day.
Now Pastor Conrad is most certainly a buffoon (who is the god, Hindu?) But he is a biblical buffoon. There are many prayers in the Bible from those who appeal to the vanity of Yahweh in order for him to do some divine ass kickin'.

In one instance Yahweh is about to destroy the Hebrew people because they keep complaining. Moses advises Yahweh to think twice about that because of his reputation with other nations:

13 But Moses said to the Lord, ‘Then the Egyptians will hear of it, for in your might you brought up this people from among them, 14and they will tell the inhabitants of this land. They have heard that you, O Lord, are in the midst of this people; for you, O Lord, are seen face to face, and your cloud stands over them and you go in front of them, in a pillar of cloud by day and in a pillar of fire by night. 15Now if you kill this people all at one time, then the nations who have heard about you will say, 16“It is because the Lord was not able to bring this people into the land he swore to give them that he has slaughtered them in the wilderness.” Numbers 14:13-16
When Elijah has his contest with the prophets of Baal, he appeals to Yahweh's need for everyone to know that Yahweh is the toughest god on the block:
‘O Lord, God of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, let it be known this day that you are God in Israel, that I am your servant, and that I have done all these things at your bidding. 37Answer me, O Lord, answer me, so that this people may know that you, O Lord, are God, and that you have turned their hearts back.’ 38Then the fire of the Lord fell and consumed the burnt-offering, the wood, the stones, and the dust, and even licked up the water that was in the trench. 39When all the people saw it, they fell on their faces and said, ‘The Lord indeed is God; the Lord indeed is God.’ 40Elijah said to them, ‘Seize the prophets of Baal; do not let one of them escape.’ Then they seized them; and Elijah brought them down to the Wadi Kishon, and killed them there. (I Kings 18:36-40).
Praise the Lord.

The appeal to divine testosterone is a prayer strategy that Pastor Conrad is using.

But it should be noted that these stories from the Bible come from a time when they believed the sun moved across the sky.

Pastor Conrad is right that there are millions of people around the world watching this election. They may be praying to whatever god will listen that Americans don't elect some trigger happy religious zealot to the highest office. Meanwhile in the good old United Theocracy of America, good Christians know that Yahweh cares only about abortion and gay marriage as this letter
in our local paper attests.

H/T Fran

9 comments:

  1. Yeah, its so obvious that God doesn't care about anything but the Gay and abortion. I swear, every time I read the Gospels, I feel like Jesus wouldn't shut up about it; always talking about abortion and the Gay, abortion and the Gay. It comes up again and again. So clearly, there is nothing else we should be concerned about when we vote.

    I mean, I read the Bible cover to cover, and the clear, overwhelming message that I get is "This is a book that is solely concerned with abortion and the Gay." It is so easy to find hundreds of passages that speak to those things clearly and directly.

    Nothing could be more obvious.

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  2. Well, I for one am totally disgusted, and disheartened by this whole political process. It seems that both politicians are not above talking out of both sides of their mouths, and resorting to personal attacks on their opponent. Right now my vote is up in the air.

    I'm also beyond disgusted, and disheartened by the whole spirit of Christian people who disagree with each other about the candidates. I can honestly say that I've seen more grace, and thoughtful discussion in my office among the folks who differ, who don't even claim to be followers of Jesus Christ, than among many in the church.

    Not everyone who disagrees is an automatic enemy, people. Lord have mercy!

    I think if I hear another obscene Alaskan joke, or that nasty f-word in conjunction with Governor Palin, just one more time, I'm going to scream.

    Sorry, John, :( but, I had to get this off my chest.

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  3. "Bible buffoon"--ya gotta love it. Thanks for this post, John.

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  4. "So I pray that you will step forward and honor your own name with all that happens between now and election day."

    Is that a prayer for a specific winner, or is that a prayer for a good process, regardless of who wins?

    In the context it seems like a prayer for McCain to win. But that creates a problem, right?

    Come election day and Obama wins by a landslide, will his conclusion be that Obama as president honors God's name?

    Or will it be that God has chosen to dishonor his own name by favoring an Obama administration?

    Such prayers misuse the name of God altogether, in my opinion.

    I hope I got the context wrong, and that it was a prayer for an honorable process.

    (No more swift-boat tactics, or else we will have to bring up Palin's connections to, and off-line support, of the Alaska Independence Party - see the article by RFK Jr in today's Huffington Post)

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  5. After the prayer at the rally they broke into song:

    (sung to the tune of "Our God is an Awesome God")

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a mighty sword
    He speaks a fearsome Word
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Forming man from wind and clay
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    Then setting rules he can't obey
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a wrathful heart
    He makes you read Karl Barth
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    He murdered Pharaoh's first-born son
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    Kept Moses' people on the run
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a mighty sword
    He'll taunt you when He's bored
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    He sent a plague of boils to Job
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    Stripped Joseph of his colored robe
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a wrathful heart
    He'll zap you if you fart
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    He turned Lot's wife to a pillar of salt
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He killed his Son, who had no fault
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a mighty sword
    He'll smash you with his Ford
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    He drowned the heathen in a Flood
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He makes us eat his flesh and blood
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a wrathful heart
    He'll give you a big wart
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Says women should be kept oppressed
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    They're wicked and inspire lust
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    He reigns with a mighty sword
    Just don't forget who's Lord
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    He'll cast you to the fires of Hell
    Our God is a Vengeful God
    Your decaying corpse will smell
    Our God is a Vengeful God

    Our God is a Vengeful God
    I know 'cuz I think I'm Him
    I rule upon a whim
    I am a Vengeful God

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  6. Catchy, very catchy! Shall I copy these lyrics for the next choir rehearsal?

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  7. Thanks for the H/T... I mean, WTF? Hindu is a God?

    One of the commenters on my blog, a very funny and wise Episcopal priest made up some words to the old dog food commercial (My dog's bigger than your dog, my dog's bigger than yours...)

    It is pretty funny- although the whole thing is really sad.

    What kind of puny God are these people about?

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  8. I think if I hear another obscene Alaskan joke, or that nasty f-word in conjunction with Governor Palin, just one more time, I'm going to scream.

    Fanatic?

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