Shuck and Jive

Friday, January 11, 2008

Know Your Deity Before You Pray

Hey Everyone!

Jesus' Secretary here with a prayer update. Prayers have been shooting up to the Heavenly Speedway from the The Presbyterian (Fundy) Forum. Prayer Control Central is processing this one at this moment:

For those who work against us to usurp the Bible and instead govern the Church according to the world...That God would grant faith to those whom He is pleased to grant faith to, and write upon their hearts a heavy burden to see His will done and to follow His perfect law. For healing and comfort as they repent and accept His irresistable grace.

This prayer has been edited for clarity and now reads:
"Dear Lord Jesus, please make all of those sinful liberal Christians change their minds and repress gays like we do. Amen."
I am sorry to say that this prayer will likely go into the reject bin. There is nothing wrong with the prayer. It is simply directed to the wrong deity. As the secretary of Jesus, I personally know that Jesus likes gays just as they are. He won't answer prayers that go against his principles. All homophobic prayers don't even get to him.

If you want this prayer to become a reality, you need to direct it to the right deity. You might want to review How to Send a Prayer that Works!

Either Takhisis or her consort Sargonnas would be a good choice for prayers of hatred, vengeance, and control.

I can't stress enough the importance of selecting the right deity for the right prayer!

I'll be praying for you!
Secretary 9B8 Gamma Sector


  1. Well, John, these folks need to check out, "Inclusive Orthodoxy,"
    a relatively new website.

    We don't all think the same way you know. :)

    There's hope.

  2. Bless you, Grace! Thanks!

    There is hope!

  3. Grace,

    I didn't know about that site. Is this the one you meant?

  4. Yes, John, that's the one. It's awesome, I think.

    God bless!


  5. Maybe you should provide a multiple choice offer, to help out with the confusion?

  6. I'm telling you Grace will have you smote for this type of frivolity.

  7. Ah, there you are ((Dr. Monkey)) you elusive rascal.

    Check out this great prayer we can share for each other.

    Eph. 1:13-21.